I am supposed to write about Tuesday, our day at Beautiful Gate. While I will do just that, I also want to share something more, something that has been lingering in my heart throughout this trip.
Tuesday morning, we were all picked up at about 7:30, an early start to a long day. We then headed straight to Beautiful Gate, a facility centered around kids who have AIDS. It is a very impressive facility (unfortunately we don't have pictures) working to do incredible things. Not only do they help these kids, but they know that kids must be surrounded by a strong family and families surrounded by a strong community. They work to provide all of this.
Our job for that day was simply to help clean up a few things. We washed windows and gutters, a few people did dishes, and some people helped clean up the garden area. However, while we did get a lot done, we also had our fair share of fun. A few played soccer, a few had a mud war, and a few, including myself, played with and held some little kids. It was during that short 20 minutes or so of holding a little girl that made me think about what I wanted to write for the day. You can sum up cleaning gutters and working in the garden in a sentence or two, but what takes explanation is the construction of a relationship.
When we went to the orphanage in Soweto, I met a girl named Lesego. She taught me how to do their laundry and supervised as I learned. I believe she was 17 years old and through a simple chore, we became family. She wrote me a letter that I got a few days later that stated, "I love you with all my heart. I need you with all my life." Now what do I do with that? That same day, we got on a plane, distancing me from this girl.
My question from that story was raised again on Tuesday at Beautiful Gate. After holding a little girl for a bit, I gave her back and we walked away. I glanced back and the little girl started crying. I so badly wanted to turn back, but with sobs in the background, Lara encouraged me to keep walking. That would be the last time I would see that girl, at least for this trip and most likely, forever. Again what do I do with that?
I built awesome new relationships with people my age and with tiny kids all in such small time frames. Then I had to just let them go so easily. It's hard to grasp.
That's where I am at, a state of blurred confusion and mixed emotions.
~Abby
When you get home go onto the internet and check the World Vision website. you can sponsor a child for only $35 a month - A couple of days at the mall, lunches, etc. I am doing this and you will find how satisfying it is. My little one writes me all the time and I write her back. It is so wonderful how God works to help this children.
ReplyDeleteJane - Nicole's Grandma
Hi Abby,
ReplyDeleteThat was some experience you wrote about. We are visiting with Becca, Maria, and Kevin for a short weekend. The emotions that you described are very similar to those that we experience with our grandchildren. I suspect that your Mom and Dad can relate to the overpowering love that they have for you, Connor and Kristen. True, you don't have Aids or live in Africa, but the love that parents have for their children is truly unmeasurable. I suspect that you will know that love someday yourself.
As far as the blurred confusion and mixed emotions, I wish that I could tell you that the solutions or answers are right around the next corner. They are not! At age 61, I'm still looking for that corner and I can't find it. As a matter of fact the older you get, the more confused you will get about certain matters and you will experience even more and deeper emotional experiences. The one good thing about getting older is that each day has, its own manner of teaching, or preparing us for the next day. God is a pretty good "coach", "teacher", "drill master". He knows just how to train us for our next big game, test, or life challenge. Could you imagine how different this trip would be if you went as a middle school student? I told Shannon something similar recently when I had a few moments to chat with her. She is managing because she is strong, wise, and able to apply all of her skills during very difficult times. It doesn't mean that she, you, or anyone will hit a home run every time that we get up, but it does mean that we will, at the end of the "game" be a winner.
Continue to enjoy your experience. Keep you eyes, ears, heart, and mind open. Aunt Susan and I can't wait to hear more details in September.
Lots of love,
Aunt Susan and Uncle Jack
Abby,
ReplyDeleteYou brought tears to my eyes reading this. My heart feels for you. It's a tough question to answer. I remember working in an orphanage in Mexico 22 years ago and you are bringing back some of the feelings I had back then. Just remember God has a plan and he knows exactly his purpose for you. You all are amazing. I will continue to pray for you.
Brooke
Abby,
ReplyDeleteYour writing really moves my heart. It must be so hard to let go of those dear little kids, yet I'm convinced God's and your love will actively wrap around them even when you are not there at the moment. Thanks for your words and your heart.
Love, Tracy : )